Yield that you may not Break

Cogitation on a Quote from Lao Tsu:

Yield, that you may not break.
Bent, you may straighten.
Emptied, you may hold.      --   Lao Tsu

Whenever we are attached to having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what's wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontented.

Whether it's related to ourselves – a disorganized closet, a scratch on the car, an imperfect accomplishment, a few pounds we would like to lose – or some one else's 'imperfections' – the way someone looks, behaves, or lives his/her life – the very act of focusing on imperfection pulls us away from our goal of being kind and gentle. This strategy has nothing to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached and focused on what's wrong with your life. It's about revealing that while there's always a better way to do something, this doesn't mean that you can't enjoy and appreciate the way things already are.

The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall into your habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover the perfection in life itself.

In this context, we may recall the story of Procrusteus in Greek mythology. He seized weary travelers, tied them to a bedstead, and either stretched them or cut off parts of their body to make them fit in his bed! He had this rigid rule: If you do not fit right in my bed, you shall be sized to fit!

Substitute 'mind' for 'bed' and you get the perfectionist’s rigid, unyielding attitude of mind.

The dictionary-meaning for the word "Procrustean" is:
'acting to secure conformity at any cost - drastic or ruthless".
Many perfectionists, lacking in sensitivity, act in the Procrustean mode and corrupt a relationship through a judgmental attitude about the other person in the relationship. Most are not even aware that they are guilty of this act and will not accept that they are the cause for the resulting pain. They may profit much by Lao Tsu's advice on yielding:

Yield, that you may not break.
Bent, you may straighten.
Emptied, you may hold.

By the term 'yield', Lao Tzu is not suggesting a compromise with evil or a surrender in the struggle for justice. He is merely emphasizing upon the need for a change in one's attitude of mind; this change will happen once there is an acceptance that others may not and need not conform to one's own perceptions and standards. Insistence that they should, will lead to disappointment and consequent deterioration in relationships.

As Saint Purandara Dasa aptly stated in one of his kirtans: "the more your expectations, the more your disappointments." (Aashaigal yeshtto niraashaigal inneshtto -- Kannada)

The bending due to an yielding attitude of the mind enables us to straighten later, when the burden of negative feelings created in us by our own rigidity have dropped off. Emptied, the mind becomes receptive to a holistic perception of the world in which we live and will lead us to find harmony, peace and joy in our lives.
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